The Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana
by Emperor Quintana the Superior
Summary: Based on the satirical parody of hanan's The Crap Adventures of Lizardman, but with a Pokemon Star Wars twist. Finally completed! Please R&R.
1. Episode 1

**Disclaimer:**

I only own Quintana Co. and the Imperial Order of the Quintana Empire, but I do not own any material related to Pokemon or the Crap Adventures of Lizardman.

**Special Thanks & Tributes:**

Special thanks to hanan for inspiring me to write this fanfic; you da man!

* * *

**The Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana-**

**Episode I: The Beginning**

**-**

**Announcer:** One day, the Emperor went for a walk to meet his arch nemesis, Giovanni.

**Giovanni:** I am Giovanni; you cannot defeat me! Hahahaha! Go, Nidoking! (gets out Pokeball, sends out a Nidoking).

**Nidoking:** Rahhhr!

**The Emperor:** Oh yeah? Go, Boss Shell! (gets out Pokeball, sends out a Blastoise).

**Boss Shell:** Blast!

**Giovanni:** Hmmm. Impressive. But not impressive enough to defeat my Nidoking. Go! Take Down, now!

**The Emperor:** You're gonna have to do better than that, fool! Boss Shell, Water Pulse!

(Nidoking tries to take Boss Shell down, but Boss Shell's Water Pulse is too powerful for Nidoking. Nidoking fainted.)

**Giovanni:** Aggh! You've defeated me! You shall pay for this, whelp! We shall meet again!

-

**To Be Continued…**


	2. Episode 2

**Disclaimer:**

I only own Quintana Co. and the Imperial Order of the Quintana Empire, but I do not own any material related to Pokemon or the Crap Adventures of Lizardman.

**Special Thanks & Tributes:**

Special thanks to hanan for inspiring me to write this fanfic; you da man!

* * *

**The Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana-**

**Episode II: Space Battle**

**Announcer:** One day, the Emperor went flying into outer space, when he discovered something really ghastly!

**The Emperor:** Oh no! It's Giovanni!

**Giovanni:** That's correct! I am Giovanni, and I'm going to send my minions on you!

**Minions:** Team Rocket Rules! Charge!

**The Emperor:** Oh yeah? Go, Boss Shell! (gets out Pokeball, sends out a Blastoise).

**Boss Shell:** Blastoise!

**The Emperor:** Boss Shell, use Surf!

(Boss Shell's Surf Attack eliminated all of Giovanni's Minions.)

**Minions:** Aggghh! Team Rocket's blasting off again!

**The Emperor:** Aha! At last, I have defeated your minions!

**Giovanni:** Aggh! You've defeated me, again! This isn't over, coward; you haven't seen the last of Team Rocket!

**To Be Continued…**


	3. Episode 3

**Disclaimer:**

I only own Quintana Co. and the Imperial Order of the Quintana Empire, but I do not own any material related to Pokemon or the Crap Adventures of Lizardman.

**Special Thanks & Tributes:**

Special thanks to hanan for inspiring me to write this fanfic; you da man!

* * *

**The Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana-**

**Episode III: The Emperor vs Uber Hitler**

**Announcer:** One day, at the White House in Washington, DC...

(Inside the White House, US President George W. Bush was working on some highly classified "FBI clearance inspections", while suddenly, a loud explosion is heard. an evil superhuman Nazi warrior named Uber Hitler barged right in the Oval Office, where the President works, and grasps the President by the collar!)

**Uber Hitler:** Ha ha ha ha ha! Beware, Mr. President, I am stealing you! Heil Hitler! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Trust me; it was a REALLY long maniacal laugh. So, anyway, Uber Hitler, taking the President hostage, flew off to his secret hideout: The Uber Nazi Domain.)

**Announcer:** Meanwhile, at the Imperial Lair...

(The Emperor has been playing Tetris six hours before the kidnapping, when suddenly, his Imperial Senses started tingling.)

**The Emperor:** Uh oh! The President is being kidnapped by a supervillainous Nazi mastermind; I must save him!

(And so, the Emperor began to search for the Uber Nazi Domain. Minutes later, he finally found it.)

**The Emperor:** Aha! The Uber Nazi Domain! But I've got to find another way in; the entrances are heavily guarded!

**Announcer:** And so, he got in somehow...

(Back at the UND...)

**Uber Hitler:** Aha ha ha ha ha! At last, Mr. President, no one can save you now!

**President Bush:** What are you going to do to me?

**Uber Hitler:** I sentence you to death... by Neo-Nazi Holocaust Regiment!!

**Neo-Nazis:** Rah! Heil Hitler!!

(They were about to terminate the President, while suddenly, the Emperor came crashing down an unguarded window, and landed on the ground with a thud.)

**The Emperor:** Don't worry, Mr. President, I'll save you!

**President Bush:** Yay! It's the Emperor!

**Uber Hitler:** No! The Emperor is here to foil my plans, but he won't succeed this time! Go, Rommell!

(Uber Hitler sends forth a Houndoom.)

**Houndoom:** Grrrr... (_barking._)

**The Emperor:** That's where you're badly mistaken, Uber Hitler! Boss Shell, attack!

(The Emperor summons a Blastoise.)

(Houndooom starts off with Fire Wheel, but Boss Shell's Surf Attack was too powerful. Then Uber Hitler recalled Rommell. That Surf Attack also wiped out the entire neo-Nazi movement.)

**Uber Hitler:** NOOOOOO!!!!! I have been defeated; I have shamed my racist ancestors! This isn't over, spic; you shall pay for this!!

(After having said that, Uber Hitler fled off in a rage, then accidentally crashed in a tall building, causing his ship to explode and killing him instantly.)

**The Emperor:** _(sighs, shaking his head,)_ How pathetic...

**President Bush:** Emperor Quintana, I hereby commend you for saving our majestic country. We are in your debt of gratitude.

**The Emperor:** It is agreed. Now where's my pay? My services don't come cheap, you know.

**President Bush:** Hmmm. Well, since you took down the notorious Team Rocket, saved my life, and eliminated the notorious neo-Nazi Movement, I will pay you a generous sum of $56.2 million.

**The Emperor:** Very well, then; it's settled. You got yourself a deal.

**To Be Continued...**


	4. Episode 4

**Disclaimer:**

I only own Quintana Co. and the Imperial Order of the Quintana Empire, but I do not own any material related to Pokemon, Star Wars, or the Crap Adventures of Lizardman.

**Special Thanks & Tributes:**

Special thanks to hanan for inspiring me to write this fanfic; you da man!

* * *

**The Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana-**

**Episode IV: The Rise and Fall of the League of Evil**

**Announcer:** One day, at the Big Evil Convention...

(Four villains President Bush, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, and Hugh Hefner were sitting in the guest seats in a conference table, while a dark, mysterious figure sat at the most important seat of the table)

**Bill Gates:** We must find a way to defeat the Emperor!

**Hugh Hefner:** Yeah, I agree.

**Donald Trump:** Yeah, so do I.

**President Bush:** Of course, since he's just too powerful!

(Shouts of agreement came from the Members of the Convention as well. They went on for no more than three seconds, until...)

**Giovanni:** Friends, don't worry. I know that one of these days we shall finally eliminate the Emperor once and for all, and then the world will be ours!

(Now, Giovanni turned his seat around, and faced his newfound associates.)

**Giovanni:** I, Giovanni, along with my superior intellect, have found a way to defeat the Emperor. Instead of trying to kill him separately, we shall unite our forces to create the League of Evil! President Bush, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Uber Nazi, and Hugh Hefner; once our forces are united, our powers shall be invincible; not even the mighty Emperor will be able to defeat us, then. So what do you say, comrades?

**Uber Nazi:** Eh, what the hell; I have nothing else left to do.

(Later, a machine alerted the Convention that radical memberships have dropped to 5 percent.)

**Machine:** Warning! Radical membership levels have dropped to 5 percent!

**Donald Trump:** Oh no! Someone was killing our radical movement!

**Giovanni:** Curse you, Darth Vader!!

(Darth Vader was seen leaving the convention after killing a group of radicals.)

**Darth Vader:** And so, the deed is done...

(Now, back to the Convention...)

**Giovanni:** Alright then, League of Evil, here's our two-point plan: first, give me lots of money, and then, kill the Emperor!

**Announcer:** Meanwhile, in an unknown, distant land...

(The Imperial Lair appeared in said unknown, distant land)

**The Emperor:** Whew, what a day! I can't wait to freshen up, sit down, and watch some TV.

(The Emperor freshened up and turned on the TV.)

**TV:** (_singsong_) Toooniiiight, on craaap tttvvv... (_then normal_) we have the fourth Emperor Quintana cartoon.

**The Emperor:** Oh well; there's nothing else on today, so I guess I'm going to have to settle for this.

(And so, the TV showed the Big Evil Convention Meeting. Then after seeing Giovanni face his people...)

**The Emperor:** Hmmm. I'm starting to like this episode.

(A Shakespearean friend came over to the Emperor and sat alongside him.)

**Friend:** Induitably; it's concepts are quite structured, showing the natural essence of modern mundane villainy.

**The Emperor:** Indeed. Had it not been aired, we would have watched something that can be as glitchy as hell.

**Friend:** I agree. Hey, wait a minute; aren't _we_ in this cartoon?

(A brief pause.)

**The Emperor:** Oh, yeah, I forgot.

(Suddenly, pixel glitches begin to fill the air.)

**The Emperor:** Aagh! Well, if that is the case, then it's most possible that Giovanni has formed the League of Evil! I have to go defeat it at once!

(And so, the Emperor warped himself to another dimension in Cyberspace. Then, he landed on Donald Trump, face flat, head-on.)

**Giovanni:** Ah! Well, looks like the Emperor has stumbled into Cyberspace. Surrender to the League of Evil now, or suffer dire consequences!

**The Emperor:** No way, Giovanni; I'll never join you!

**Giovanni:** I've got yellow-painted rocks with smiley faces on them.

**The Emperor:** You cannot defeat me; I have the League of Good! Charge!

(And so, the Battle Between Good vs. Evil begins...)

**Announcer:** Unfortunately, everyone dies...

(Dead people and fainted Pokemon lay on the ground, defeated...)

**Announcer:** ...except the Emperor!

**The Emperor:** Ha ha! Once again, the Emperor wins! Hail Quintana!!

**To Be Continued...**


	5. The Movie

**Disclaimer:**

I only own Quintana Co. and the Imperial Order of the Quintana Empire, but I do not own any material related to Pokemon, Star Wars, or the Crap Adventures of Lizardman.

**Special Thanks & Tributes:**

Special thanks to hanan for inspiring me to write this fanfic; you da man!

* * *

**The Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana-**

**The Movie**

**Announcer:** One day, the Emperor went for a stroll, when he encountered the Pagan Hindu Rappers.

(The Emperor got up after he bumped into the Pagan Hindu Rappers, which caused him to fall on his back.)

**The Emperor:** Gasp! Pagan Hindu Rappers!

(Soon, the Emperor tried to attack, but the PHRs stopped him with a mesmerizing Pagan Hindu Rap. Minutes after the rap...)

**The Emperor:** Ah, what the hell? They die! Boss Shell, attack!

(Sends forth a Blastoise. Boss Shell tried to attack the PHRs, but they have unleashed a Pagan Life Force Defense Sphere to deflect Boss Shell's attacks.)

**Pagan Hindu Rapper:** You cannot defeat us, fool! We're Pagans; we are invulnerable against your hopeless offensive maneuvers!

**The Emperor:** Curses! Now I have got to find another way!

(After the Emperor left, a Pidgey landed, and entered the PLFDS.)

* * *

**Announcer:** Meanwhile, in Megalopolis...

(Sounds of noisy vehicles & busy civilians passing by.)

**The Emperor:** Hmmm. There has to be a way to defeat those impudent Pagan Rappers.

(Soon, the Emperor got up and wandered around in the streets.)

**The Emperor:** I'm hungry.

(Suddenly, he saw his favorite Japanese restaurant.)

**The Emperor:** Aha! There it is; Satoshi's Super Healthy Restaurant!

(So, the Emperor went in, bought the Super Healthy Special Combo, and began eating it. And then, )

**Cashier:** Greetings, young grasshopper. The Japanese prophecy has foretold that this would happen.

**The Emperor:** (_puzzled_) I see... And who might you be, exactly?

**Cashier:** I am an anonymous, independent seer who has been sent here to fulfill this Japanese prophecy: to teach you the way into defeating the Pagans.

**The Emperor:** Very well, then. In that case, I am willing to accept your elite training methods.

**Cashier:** Then it is agreed; we shall commence your training, effective immediately!

(A loud, racuous gong is heard. The Emperor and the Cashier are transported to a quiet, docile training field.)

**Cashier:** There are three tasks in which you must pass, grasshopper. The first task is simple: You must cross the Bridge of Rabid Houndoom in order to get to the other side. If you succeed, you will be one step ahead. Otherwise, if you fail, you fall down in the Pit of Rabid Houndoom!

(Suspenseful music is heard, ending with a dramatic reverb.)

**The Emperor:** Well, that was easy.

(Without warning, a "demon" shoved the Emperor into the Pit of Rabid Houndoom.)

**The Emperor:** Arrrgghhhh!! Rabid Houndoom!

(Suddenly, Darth Sidious appeared in his dark, mysterious cloak.)

**Darth Sidious:** Do not fear; I shall come to the rescue!

(Darth Sidious used his Force Movement on the Emperor and moved him back on the bridge to safety.)

**The Emperor:** I humbly thank you, O Mighty Lord Sidious.

**Cashier:** Well done, young grasshopper. Now, your next test is... to give me $5,000.

**The Emperor:** So, your services don't come cheap, huh? I like the way you think, sir; here you go!

(The Emperor gladly gave the Cashier $5,000.)

**Cashier:** Good. Now your third and final test is... to give me another $5,000.

**The Emperor:** Hmmm. OK.

(The Emperor gave the Cashier another $5,000. Now the Cashier led the Emperor to where the PHRs are standing.)

**Cashier:** Your training is complete, grasshopper; now you can defeat the Pagans without much trouble. Go, and may the Ancestors of Japan guide you.

(Now the Emperor starts fighting the PHRs for a quarter hour. And then, the Emperor began to finish the job.)

**The Emperor:** At last, victory is mine! Hail Quintana!!

(A parade appears, commemorating the Emperor's victory against the Pagans.)

**Announcer:** And so, the Emperor continued to fight crime in Megalopolis, and, like most successful characters, he lived happily ever after.

**The End.**

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Author's Note: Well, folks, I hope you've enjoyed the Imperial Adventures of Emperor Quintana, based on the parody of hanan's "The Crap Adventures of Lizard Man." Please R I didn't get _any_ reviews since I was making progress on my fics! Hail Quintana!!


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